Walking. Bible Study. Crafty Stuff.

Physical Issues
I have been battling my second cold in one month.  So, in an effort to rest, my posts may slow down for a bit....but maybe not...I so enjoy them.....but they may be more....simple....for now.

Fatigue is again my companion - 
from what I hear fatigue will be around for a while - 
maybe even years.

It's an "after chemotherapy, radiation and too many surgeries" effect.

Or so they tell me.

It's very frustrating.  
I really hate it.
And I don't hate many things - 
not even boiled okra.  
                           
I have heard that exercise helps.
So, tonight I'm gonna try 5 minutes on the elliptical again.
Tomorrow I'll walk for 10.  
There's something about the great outdoors....that's healing.

http://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/happiness-fun/things-you-can-enjoy-doing-while-walking/

Bible Study

Being that energy is in short supply around here, I'm simply sharing a couple of encouraging songs.  Be blessed!

I first heard this song when I was living in another city driving to my radiation appointment.  It's so true, especially that first line.

Just Be Held was written a year before his own cancer diagnosis.  Here's the story. 

All you 
cancer patients and survivors,
people with other illnesses,
hurting people
out there, 
we don't have to be strong - 
this is our time 
to 
just 
be 
held.  
I know it's hard.  
Let's do this together, yes?

Crafty Stuff
Isn't crafting the best?  It's so healing!

 Here's is Baby M2's baby afghan with the first border on it!

  Here's is my go to book of patterns for choosing crocheted borders!  

Here's the border I chose!

9/19/16

OMG Pink and Brown Baby Quilt:	Ray’s pjs	Baby M2’s crochet afghan
Embroider and attach label Done!	Hem Done!	Design and begin border Done!

I met all my goals for last week - even the pajama pants!  Funny thing is, when my husband tried them on for me to hem......they were already hemmed! 

To Do List for 9/26/16

1) Hand Sewing – binding ABC quilt

2) Quilting - Secret Project

3) Regular Sewing - Frankenstein sew           batting scraps

4) Crochet - Baby M2’s crochet afghan,         crochet ½ of the 42 Blue Dots for             border 

5) Quilt Labels - Michael’s Dallas Cowboy       Afghan Label

6) BOM’s & QAL’s – make squares for             Drunkards Path – Blue and Quilty 365

I'm linking up to Linky Tuesday at Freemotion by the River and To Do Tuesday at Stitch All Things.  


Dear Friends, this is my truth!

New Bible Study Area. Philippians.

New Bible Study Area

My baby steps into Bible Journaling began with moving my devotional area into my sewing studio.  Honestly, perhaps I should come up with a new name for this room because it's my 

sewing studio,

crochet and knitting studio,

scrapbooking studio,

and.....

well, my Happy Place!

Hmmmm.......

Maybe that is the new name.....

Alas, I digress!

So, now as I write you and spend time with Jesus, His birds keep me company!

I filled one of my rolling stoarage carts with supplies.....

You see how it opens up?  When I close the lid, this neat little storage area become a mini cutting table complete with my 16" rotating cutting mat.  When not in use, this table slides right under my sewing table!  I'm blessed!

Philippians 1:1-11
To preapare for this study, I am reading and reading these passages several times a day, taking notes as I read.  

One of the characteristics of Paul's writing is that he writes in such absolutes!  Simply observe how many times he uses absolutes such as "all", "every"!   

¹Paul and Timothy, servants of Christ Jesus,

To all God’s holy people in Christ Jesus at Philippi, together with the overseers and deacons:

²Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thanksgiving and Prayer

³I thank my God every time I remember you. ⁴In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy ⁵because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, ⁶being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

⁷It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. ⁸God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.

⁹And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Another characteristic is his confidence - in our loving God and Savior, Jesus.  His conversion and trials were quite dramatic, Plus, I realize he is writing to a group of people who have supported him from day one:

http://inspire-others.com/verse-of-the-day-2015-01-04/

http://www.jeffrandleman.com/philippians-1-7-8/

So, naturally, his confidence would be pumped up, right?  

Not necessarily.......

Think about it.  

As we go through "chains" of trials, are we filled with confidence?  Are we writing letters of encouragement to others?  Remember, 

Paul was 

in jail

in chains

when he wrote this.

God gave him such grace to write these words during such a difficult time.  

As I go through my whole breast cancer journey, it's tough.  But, like Paul, I have had 

moments of great strength,

moments when I encouraged others.

http://pawliang.blogspot.com/

I've also had 

moments when I leaned heavily on others,

moments when I wept, 

moments when I wanted to give up.....

http://quotesgram.com/img/slowly-giving-up-quotes/K76jC77Tpd/

moments when I just needed to rest behind someone's shield of faith.

http://thewordsofencouragement.com/bible-verses-about-faith/

We've all had those moments - even our dear friend, Paul.

http://www.budgetlovingmilitarywife.com/2014/12/10/how-my-greatest-strength-became-my-greatest-weakness/

And that's when, my beloved reader, is when we are strong.  

http://68church.com/when-i-am-weak-then-i-am-strong/

So, whether you are in a point in your life where you are 

in chains, 

or 

defending the Gospel, 

lost and weak, 

or 

confident and strong 

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE.  

My dear friend, this is truth.

Proverb of the Day. Pain. Fatigue - again.....Encouraging Songs.

Proverb of the Day

Proverb of the Day

Lately, I do feel like I’m going through the fire, not necessarily, the fire of refinement, but a fire.  The pain and fatigue have made me sad, not depressed, just really sad.  Especially during the evenings, when I'm wanting  a cup I find myself wondering if what I want is worth the walk to obtain it…..is it worth the pain?  This song continues to minister to me.

How does God test the heart?  My little bit of research shows that He uses pain, afflictions…well…fire to test our heart.  During chemo, when I could still walk, the LORD asked me to listen to the book of Job, which I am did – three times.  Now, I’m going to try to read through it.  They are definitly two different processes in which we are able to glean very different lessons.  At one point, He asked me to simply focus on Job’s words….he was

discouraged,

confused,

questioning God,

BUT

he never cursed God.

I’m looking forward to physically reading this book.  I believe God will give me 
encouragement,

insights,

courage.

After all, in spite of my fiery trial,

I still love God.

I still have faith in Him.

I still trust Him.

Would you join me in doing the same?  Would you please pray for me as I try to learn to grasp His hand even more on this journey of a breast cancer survivor?  I'm really needing prayer right now.

http://www.karipatterson.com/category/prayer/

Dear Friend, this is my truth.

Proverb of the Day. Pain, Frustation, Frustration

Proverb of the Day

Oh, I can only pray and hope my ways are righteous in the sight of the LORD! I know that I let Him - and myself - down at times, don't we all?  However, I also know His grace is huge - magnanimous! I hope I can keep this verse in mind throughout my day!  

Pain, Frustration, Frustration
The pain continues.
The frustration continues.
The trust in God continues.
The cancelled plans continue.......what can I say?  I turn to my favorite songs.....

https://wizzley.com/hang-in-there-cat-poster/

Dear Friends, This is my truth.

                             

April Proverb of the Month. Neuropathy? Fibromyalgia?

April Proverb of the Month

This is my Proverb of the Month.  I try to read a chapter of Proverbs every day all the while praying for the LORD to give me a Proverb to focus on for that day.  I write each Proverb on a monthly calendar, post it on Instagram and try to blog about it.  At the end of each month, I prayerfully ask the LORD to show me which scripture He has chosen for my Proverb of the Month.  Then, I make a quick Scripture card and tape it to my mirror so I can memorize each monthly Proverb.  

This type of Bible study has helped me to grow spiritually and emotionally, especially as I faced Triple Negative Breast Cancer and, now, the increasingly progressive pain from either neuropathy or fibromyalgia. Further testing this week will hopefully determine who the culprit is for this terrible daily pain.  

http://www.mykneeguide.com/

Dear Friends, this is my truth.  

I'm Trying. Proverb of the Day.

 I'm trying.
I'm trying so hard to live a normal life despite the pain, the constant pain, that I'm living with. Is it neuropathy? Is it fibromyalgia? What is happening to my body? Today I see my oncologist  and I hope against hope that he'll have some answers. My toes  swelled up, then my feet and on my ankles. I don't know what God is doing in my life but I do know He holds the answers. I'm desperately trying to maintain my hope despite the pain and fatigue that have decided to be my companions. 

Proverb of the Day





I'm beginning to notice that I talk too much! This happens especially when I'm flustered, nervous chatter. I speak without thinking and go on and on and on. Thank God for Proverbs 29:20! I am making scripture cards to carry with me and this is at the top of the list! Do you suffer from nervous chatter as well? If so it's OK cause guess what? God loves us anyway!

Struggling.

http://quotesgram.com/chronic-back-pain-quotes/#9AtLnJuNQB

The neuropathy pain is overwhelming.  I'm grateful I was able to make it to church and do some shopping at the mall with my husband. And now I just lay down in pain and grateful for the inspiration from my friends  

Dear friend, this is my truth.

Removing Google+ Comments. Proverb(s) of the Day.

Comments
Ok.  So, I just realized we celebrated fixing my comments, but I never told you how I did it!  You know, this blogging stuff has a bunch of details!   

I want to preface this mini tutorial with the fact that I really appreciate Google Blogger!  I have learned so much about blogging and their format is pretty easy to learn.  Believe me, I'm not a technologically astute person.  

Here's what happened.  The problem began when I clicked on Google+ to share my blog.  That automatically meant that for people to comment, they HAD to have a Google+ account.  So, I signed out of Google+ thinking that would fix the problem.  

It didn't.  

http://veryshareimg.com/puzzled-face.html

                         
I spent hours researching into the wee hours of the morning trying to fix the problem.  

Nope.

Nothing.

http://sites.psu.edu/siowfa14/author/tbr5077/

                                               
Then I found a website that gave me the answer. How I wish I could find that website again!  

Either way, what I had to do was go back to my blogger dashboard, click on Google+, and reactivate it.  Then, and ONLY then I was able to remove Google+ comments from my blog.  Then, I removed Google+ from my blog. Finally, from layout, I added a gadget for my current comment process.  See? Easy Peasy, as a friend of mine used to say! 

Proverb(s) of the Day

http://delightthyselfalsointhelord.tumblr.com/post/75143602541/proverbs-123-turn-you-at-my-reproof-behold-i

As we repent at one time or another in our lives look at what the Lord promises!  He will pour out his very thoughts to you and I & make known to us his teachings!  When we are young in the Lord we are like babes. And as we grow, recognizing and repenting, we become even more sensitive to his thoughts and his teachings! Our faith can't help but grow!

https://divinewalls.com/proverbs-21-31

             
As I did a bit of research on this verse, I realized that I tend to overthink Scripture.  This verse is so clear - but I was getting caught up in imagery.  For example, I kept asking myself, "What does the horse really represent?"  

Here's what I learned today.  The horse is just that - a horse!  :)

John Gill's commentary says that yes, as in the past, one would prepare a horse for battle, but compared to the LORD, the horse cannot help us win our battles!  True victory remains in the LORD!  

Then I read a commentary that said God expects us to do the preparation for whatever He has called us to - or for whatever battle we are facing.  Whether or not we "win" is irrelevant - because we already have the victory - in God's timing and in His way!  It is HE who gives us the ultimate victory!  

This is how I felt when I was diagnosed with stage 2b triple negative breast cancer.  Somehow I knew that either way - live or die - I still have the victory in Christ Jesus!  

Of course I still have fears, doubts, and yes, anger. But, ultimately, I can find peace because I know that in the end, I win!  I win with Christ Jesus!  

                

Oh, and by the way, so do you.  

Dear Friend, this is my truth

Pain. Baby Afghan. Faith.

Pain
 Pain is been my constant companion today. I managed to be productive but I did pay for it.
I have to remember to stay on my regimen of  15 to 17 pills a day.
I don't like it.
I drink a ton of water - almost a gallon a day to protect my kidneys.

 Baby Afghan
 My husband took me to Hobby Lobby to help me choose yarn for my fourth grandbaby's first afghan.  Oh it wore me out it was a happy time.  I can hardly wait to greet this special little boy!

Faith
 My daughter sent me this picture. I leave you with it. It's a short post today, I've been so tired and hurting all day. Neuropathy is no fun, but I know God is with me and letting me rest beside the still waters.

                                               
Dear Friends, this is my truth.

"Frimly Held". Just be held.

Firmly Held
This title is from a reading in Praying Through Cancer by Susan Sorenson and Laura Geist. It was recommended to me by a lady I met at our local breast cancer survivor's meeting.  I highly recommend giving it to anyone you know who is going through cancer.  Today I read "Firmly Held" by Melinda Merwin.  This quote stood out to me:

"When my hold on You is weak, 

Your grip on me is firm."

- Melinda Merwin

How true is that?  Please note, even

 - when our faith is weak, 

- when our fears are strong,

- when our hope is flickering,

- when our hold on His is weak - or we have let go of Him, 

HIS HOLD ON US IS FIRM!

Melinda Merwin's scripture reference was Isaiah 41:13.

For I am the LORD your God,

who takes hold of your right hand and 

says to you, 

"Do not fear, I will Help you."

Please see the visual in this verse - it is God who is taking hold of our right hand - not the other way around.  He takes hold of us. So, 

- when our faith is weak - He takes hold of us,

- when our fears are strong, - He takes hold of us,

- when our hops is flickering - He takes hold of us,

- When our hold is weak o or we have let go of Him - He takes hold of us!

https://www.facebook.com/castingcrowns/photos/a.432381688792.209583.48842713792/10153102063943793/

Hallelujah!  Sometimes, in the midst of a crisis, I have to simply allow myself to just be held by my loving Father.  

Which leads me to another "song lesson" I learned while in El Paso.

My dear loved one, in faith allow yourself to 
Just Be Held.

For today, this is my truth!

So why?

http://www.ynccla.org/sermons/audio/why_god_why_injustice/

So Why?

I was asked by a non-believing family member this question: "Why would a loving God permit His child to suffer?"  This member went onto say they would never allow their child to go through what I'm going through.  These words were spoken with great love for me, with great frustration on my behalf, and with great confusion.  I understand, my dear one, I understand.

This question was posed to me at a time when I too was beginning to feel anger at cancer - which is a good thing.  And even anger at God, which is an honest and true emotion, one God Himself created.  He can take our anger, our bitterness, our hurt, our fear, our confusion, our doubts.  God is a big God - He can not only take it, He can heal these emotions. 

I pondered this question for some time, then I realized how much good has come out of this painfully frustrating, scary situation.  Yup - I made me a gratitude list. I counted my blessings.  Have you ever done this?  It's so healing.  Here's what I came up with:

1.  My husband and I are closer than ever.

2.  Life is sweeter, richer.

3.  I was able to minister to others in Houston.

4.  My friend of over 30 years came to the United States just in time.

5.   Friendships are deeper and more authentic.

6.   I'm realizing how special my PCP truly is and how blessed I am to have her.

Yes, this journey is hard.  Yes, it stinks.  Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes, God still sits on throne.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes! Yes!  Yes!!

For today, this is my truth!

http://eternityinourhearts.com/category/thoughts-on-faith/





It's Like the Last Week of Summer Vacation. Insurance Woes.......

Hello Everybody! 

In anticipation of my trip to Houston this last week my friends and family have given so much of their time and surrounded me with support, love, jokes, laughter, tissues as I cried, hugs...you name it.  Well, guess what ya'll?  You have more time to spoil me!  The appointment has been delayed for a few days!  So, if you thought you were out of town to pamper me - YOU STILL HAVE TIME!  So, all you procrastinators, I'm ready!

Yea, I know, cut the bull.  Today has been a frustrating day of highs and lows.   Elissa at MD Anderson is amazing.  I love her.  Jennifer from my insurance is an angel - a tenacious one who is my cheerleader.  I was ready to give up this afternoon and she kept fighting for me.  So, though we have been delayed, we have not been stopped. 

http://www.firstcovers.com/userquotes/89746/we+are+hard+pressed.html

I'm not a super hero, I'm not disgustingly cheerful all the time, but I do have the joy of the Lord.  The joy of the Lord is my strength.  Yes, I'm drained after dealing with my dear Elissa (will I ever meet you face to face?) and the insurance company. 

 

I am drained. 

But, I am also victorious.  

I am so tired.

But, today, I rested behind Elissa and Jennifer's shield of faith.

So, I carry on, praising God and loving my family.

The alternative is unacceptable to me.   

http://chasinggrace.org/2014/04/02/philippians-46-do-not-be-anxious-about-anything-but-in-everything-by-prayer-and-supplication-with-thanksgiving-let-your-requests-be-made-known-to-god/

So, since last week I've been having fun.  My son-in-law invited me to breakfast on Friday morning.  It was wonderful conversing with him.  I feel like I got to know him on a deeper level.  Awesome conversation and bonding.   On Saturday my daughter and I, along with Baby C. spent the day together at various craft shops in town, to include my beloved Bernina quilt shop, Hobby Lobby and Jo Ann's.  Then we had lunch at Olive Garden - just love their soup and salad! 

 

Sunday Polly and I saw Paddington Bear!  We had too much popcorn and chocolate!  Afterwards we had fish and chips at a local restaurant!  Then we had family dinner at my daughter's home to watch the Super Bowl!  Oh!  The food!  The excitement!  What a wonderful day.  

 

Monday was our wonderful tamalada with Polly, L, and her daughter and my daughter.  It was wonderful!  As L wrote, "There's something magical when we all get together!"  The atmosphere was warm, trusting, fun, and filled with laughter.  We also had a bit of a discussion about breast cancer.  It is indeed a topic that one must face making their own individual choices knowing all the while that they are loved and supported.  It was a very special night indeed! 

 

Tuesday Polly, "I.", and I went to a neighboring town to see Paddington Bear again!  Well, "I." hadn't seen it yet, so we went.  Wow, this theater had a café!  We bought our tickets, ordered fancy coffees, and an entrée!  They were delivered right to our assigned seats in the theater on trays!  Wow!  I felt like royalty.  Then we just had to go to Michael's and check out their yarn and clearance items.  Eeeesh!  The three of us are dangerous!  I  Someone made a silly rule that one the merchandise was in the basket, it was going home with us!  BAD rule! 

 

Tuesday night  I got to babysit Baby I.  It was great having one on one time with her.  M. came over with gifts and concern for me.  Our visit was cut short as Baby I. had to get home to bed. 

 

Wednesday J., my parents and I went to see my surgeon, whom I love.  His office staff is amazing!  Another lunch at Olive Garden and back home for a nap.  My hubby and I enjoyed a wonderful dinner at Cattle Baron.   Love that salad bar! 

 

These wonderful days prepared me for the hectic day that today became.  I'll know tomorrow if the doctor from MD Anderson is approved.  But, for now, I'm off to my meeting and my quilting bee to enjoy the companionship of dear friends!   

http://lorraineortner-blake.com/postcard.html

Thank you for reading this little blog of mine!  I enjoy the comments and texts from you!  Take good care!

 

And for today, that's my truth!

update:  I'm not sure why the font is appearing in differnent sizes!  I'm sorry!

 

 

 

   

FRUSTRATION. FRUSTRATION. FRUSTRATION. Is there a bright side? Yes.

Oh my God! 
So we have the medical clearance to go to MD Anderson.  All faxes have been sent and received, finally!

So we have the financial clearance to go to MD Anderson.  Except for one tiny complication. 

I received an authorization to a surgeon I had never even heard of.  Naturally I switched it my own surgeon.  BAD MOVE.  REALLY BAD MOVE.  THE WORST.  This unknown surgeon for some reason had the same authorization number as my authorization number to MD Anderson.  So guess what?  Yup, you guessed it.  My authorization number to MD Anderson was transferred to my local surgeon. 

You

have

GOT

to

be

kidding

me.

 

Seriously.

 

 

Oh, and as I am working with someone who is definitely smart and willing to send it to her supervisor and we were disconnected.  Disconnected.  Yup, that's how I'm feeling.  Do they even care? Well, I called back and the person I was talking to sent it up to the gurus, the powers that be.  The second lady added an "urgent" and maybe tomorrow at 7:30 am I'll know something. 

  

NOW I am so frustrated.

NOW I am writing an emotional post.

NOW I AM ANGRY. 

NOW.........I have again, no where else to turn but to God.  

 

Recently I was reading this sweet lady's blog (http://www.swtblessings.com/ ) and emailed her.  She responded with a kind note and a verse:  Isaiah 46:4.  As I was waiting on my insurance company, I looked it up.  Wow.

http://www.crosscards.com/cards/scripture-cards/isaiah-46-4.html

What was that I had written about control?  About doing everything and then standing?  And what about what Karen wrote about kneeling?  And aren't we strongest on our knees?

 

Then I went to my email to check out my daily promise from 365 Promises ( I was on the phone waiting for a while).  Look at this:

 



http://www.365promises.com/daily-promises/2015/1/28/promise-28-wednesday-january-28-2015.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+365promises+%28365promises.com%29

Wow.  So, God made me, He is carrying me, He will sustain me, He will rescue me from all these complications.  And because of that, I am more than a conqueror. 

 

Even in my anger.

Even in my frustration.

Even in my fear.

Even in....well, all things.

 

I love you, my friends and family.  Thank you for your cards, emails, notes and texts.  I don't open your cards when they get here.  I save them for times like these.  Gonna go and open me up some cards now.

 

For today, that is my truth.

 

 



 

Delays, Frustration and Remembering Laughter

I really look forward to the weekends because that means I'm off the roller coaster of emotional upheavals, anticipation of test results and awaiting various authorizations.  Today I was supposed to get the BRAC analysis results, along with chest CAT Scan and Bone Scan results.   But the doctor didn't have the BRAC results, so I postponed the appointment until next Thursday.  

I FINALLY got authorization for the BRAC, but the doctor drew the blood for the BRAC before we had authorization from the insurance company, So, the lab won't run the analysis on that blood.  They need a new draw.  Another 7 - 10 days of waiting AFTER the second draw.   Oh, but first I need a doctor's order for the new draw.  

I should have the authorization for MD Anderson tomorrow.  One day at a time.  

I am exhausted of dealing with doctors, delays due to the holidays and insurance companies.  Note to self:  don't get diagnosed with cancer during the holidays and make sure I always ask insurance questions first, then focus on fighting to live.  

Do you feel my frustration?   I'm clinging to the scriptures Pastor quoted when he prayed for us:  when  you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. Isaiah 43;2a

I have to be honest, this afternoon I felt like I was drowning in frustration. My hand is reaching through the waves to God.  My flame isn't burning as brightly as usual, but it's still burning. And I still praise him through my confusion, my frustration, my doubts about the decisions I'm making and my insomnia. He still sits on the throne. As I write these words my flicker of light is slowly growing.

Pastor also said that after going through the fire, I would come out as gold.  So, for tonight, probably even tomorrow I will rest in the prayers of you, my friends and family who are on this journey with me.  

Now, to remember laughter. 

The other evening two  friends came over to visit. They brought pan de rosca.  It's a large, tasty sweet bread with the figure of the Baby Jesus hidden within it's dough.  Whoever gets Baby Jesus in their serving buys or makes the tamales for the Tamalada - a party held on February 2nd where tamales are the main dish. 

My friend, whom I love dearly, is an atheist.  As she was serving herself, she nearly decapitated the baby figurine!  Later on, we couldn't believe it when she got her second piece of cake and nearly choked on a second  baby figurine!  How we laughed that night!   

As we were sitting in my living room filled with the warm glow of lamp light, I looked around at husband and friends rocking in laughter and realized how blessed I truly am. It was beautiful.  

Today was tough, but ending it with gratitude makes the victory mine - and God's.  

And, for today, that's my truth.