I was asked by a non-believing family member this question: "Why would a loving God permit His child to suffer?" This member went onto say they would never allow their child to go through what I'm going through. These words were spoken with great love for me, with great frustration on my behalf, and with great confusion. I understand, my dear one, I understand.
This question was posed to me at a time when I too was beginning to feel anger at cancer - which is a good thing. And even anger at God, which is an honest and true emotion, one God Himself created. He can take our anger, our bitterness, our hurt, our fear, our confusion, our doubts. God is a big God - He can not only take it, He can heal these emotions.
I pondered this question for some time, then I realized how much good has come out of this painfully frustrating, scary situation. Yup - I made me a gratitude list. I counted my blessings. Have you ever done this? It's so healing. Here's what I came up with:
1. My husband and I are closer than ever.
2. Life is sweeter, richer.
3. I was able to minister to others in Houston.
4. My friend of over 30 years came to the United States just in time.
5. Friendships are deeper and more authentic.
6. I'm realizing how special my PCP truly is and how blessed I am to have her.
Yes, this journey is hard. Yes, it stinks. Yes. Yes. Yes.
Yes, God still sits on throne. Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes! Yes! Yes!!
For today, this is my truth!