Happy Fourth of July to my readers in the United States!
I hope you all are doing well! I am rejoicing as I celebrate another 6 month breast cancer check up.
However, this summer two acquaintances have passed from cancer. This naturally led me to dealing with Survivors' Guilt yet again. This time, I decided to face it head on and find some guidance and comfort in God's Word.
I hope you enjoy this Thought for the Week, my crafting, stitching and gratitude photo journal!
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
I found Parkview Health's article on Survivors' Guilt very helpful. I'm sharing some highlights from their article as well as my own thoughts and Scriptures that came to mind.
"You have a tumor in your breast. It's really deep in
there. You need a good surgeon because this type of tumor cannot be
handled by just any surgeon."
My heart stopped beating for a season.
November 13, 2015.
After 6 months of chemotherapy and 42 days of radiation, I reached
the last day of treatment!
As I drove home, I erroneously believed I would immediately return to the person
I was before.
It's been 2 1/2 years and I still live with the effects of chemotherapy.
I told my daughter one day, "I just want the old me, to be normal
again."
She wisely said, "You are normal, this is your normal - you're alive."
I stopped in my tracks! Praise God! I'm alive! Furthermore, I'm getting stronger every day.
July 17, 2018. My heart is beating again....I guess it's been beating for
some time.
Here's the
story behind the song.
Are
you going through cancer?
Are you going through a trial?
Are you heartbroken?
Has your heart stopped beating?
Your heart will beat again.
You will thrive again.
You will appreciate life more than ever before.
Tell You Heart To Beat Again.
Slow Stitching
My dear readers, please be careful when cutting fabric with a rotary cutter. This week I cut my finger pretty badly - 1/2" long, about 1/4" deep. I decided not to go to the hospital choosing instead to treat at home. After a phone consult with my surgeon, (I called him because I cut on the same side as my ancillary node dissection and we have to be careful with that side.), he was pleased with how we're treating it, though he felt I should have had stitches. Please be careful, my friends.
Consequently, there's not a lot going in the stitching department. I can, however, type with both hands now! :)
I did make these yo-yo's
and embroider a bit. Still Stitching continues to give me time to rest in Him and remember His Word and lessons.
As
you may remember, in my 5th Still Stitching post we looked at how our current point of study can
look like within. But how did I put it
into action? I leaned on my faith as well as past growing experiences.
I learned
that: “No response is a response.” I
didn’t have to outwardly respond to events.
I could sit still and simply pray.
I learned to give my loved ones the dignity to live with the
consequences of their own decisions – even while my own heart was
breaking. This may sound like a cliché, but it
works. I had to let go and let my loved
ones grow up.
This.
Can.
Be.
Excruciatingly.
Painful.
I
sometimes fall to my knees and cry as my heart breaks into a million pieces.
And
then, yup, you guessed it,
I
turn to my LORD and Savior for comfort.
I
remind Him of His Word.
He
never fails me.
He
is ALWAYS there.
He
provides loved ones and friends who hug me and reassure me that it will be ok.
He
provides a church where I can go and praise Him and hear His inspired Word.
He
provides rest.
He
provides comfort.
He
provides music.
He
provides.
Isaiah
43:1-2 is not only speaking to us, but also to our loved ones.
As
my own loved ones begin to navigate their lives, I repeatedly comprehend that I
am not their rescuer, their god, their savior.
Only Jesus can do these things.
So,
I
get out of the way and let Him.
So,
I
pray.
So,
I
sing.
So,
I
believe.
Then
I make every attempt to go forth and live my life with His joy. Happiness is fleeting, but His joy is my strength.
And
I apply the next step I learned from the person who visited my meeting:
Finished Panel Quilts. As many of you know the end of the school year/semester is a busy time for school/college campuses. Add to that, the time of waiting I'm walking through, I have found my creative heart is leaning to mindless sewing, slow stitching and crochet. So, for my mindless sewing, I finished two simple panel quilt tops. Here is one of them.
I am constantly amazed at how pretty these tops come out!
I'm sure they will only be enhanced by my daughter's quilting!
Book Date -Currently Reading The Story continues to captivate my heart. Pastor's sermon, "How to Pray Through for a Breakthrough", referencing Chapter 16 blessed me immensely. My faith was renewed and strengthened! As I continue to read I Am Malala, I am struck by her courage and wisdom at such a young age!
I started a new audiobook, All Things New by Lynn Austin, an author who never disappoints. This post-Civil War is set in the South and explains the circumstances of the newly freed slaves.
After watching the movie, I also started Me and Earl and the Dying Girl. I'm not enjoying it as much as the movie. Does that happen to you as well? I'll keep reading it for a bit longer, but it may be abandoned. Do you abandon books as well? I'm excited to be able to read more than one book at a time! Yea - chemo brain be gone! :)
Saturday's Song: In the Eye of the Storm
. So many times, we find ourselves in various storms wondering what is going on? Where is God in all this? I'm learning that He is with me - He is the eye of the storm. When my life is falling apart, when my hurts are bigger than me, when I'm uncertain of my future, He is there with me. I enjoy learning about the backstories of hymns as well as newer songs. These real life accounts encourage and amaze me. The story behind Eye of the Storm is no different. Ryan has witnessed and experienced more than many of us. This song is his heart. After listening to the lyrics of this song, I was so glad I learned Ryan's backstory. I hope you take a few moments to read it and be blessed! Still Waiting Yes, still waiting to hear results from the changes in my breast. I was thrilled because the ultrasound tech simply said, "I didn't take any measurements." Good news - because if she didn't take any measurements, then there's nothing to measure! I saw my surgeon for an already scheduled 6 month follow up and he didn't see anything on his office ultrasound machine either. Great news! Then I recieved the letter from the radiologist telling me that there is "an area to be followed" in 3 months - unless ""an area of concern prompted this breast exam, please contact your helth care provider..." Eeesh. An are of concern did prompt this exam. I cried. I reached out out to my family for prayer. Then I had a good night's sleep. I rested in Jesus' arms. The next morning, in prayer, He spoke to me. "Remember: your tumor markers have gone down 3 points. BLOOD DOESN'T LIE! You were saved and healed by My blood. Your blood shows reduced tumor markers. BLOOD DOESN'T LIE!" I then realized that I have allowed myself to be tossed by the waves of circumstances as I searched for peace from my LORD and Savior, Jesus Christ. As many of you survivors know, this is common. But, I'm hanging onto the words of my Savior: BLOOD DOESN'T LIE. I'll be clinging to those words. I'll be following up with my PCP and surgeon. I'll be requesting new blood work to see if my tumor makers have changed. I'll live in faith and when fear steps in, I'll listen to Fear is a Liar by Zach Williams. I'll be remembering that the anchor still holds. I'll be looking for and listening to this week's sermon from church. (not posted yet, but it will be!) (UPDATE: the link has been updated to include the sermon! :) ) I'll be living a life of joy because the joy of the LORD is my strength! I'll be a child of God, living in faith and running to my Abba Father when I cry. I'll ask my heart to simply be still and know He is God. Slow Stitching Sunday Today I plan to continue work on my yo-yo quilt! I've really enjoyed the peace slow stitching gives me!
Here are the original fabric yo-yos with a few more flowers added.
Do you see more yo-yo flowers at the top of the design board? I've decided to pause on adding the white borders until I find a layout I like. Soon, I'll have stitched through my older fabrics and begin to make yo-yo flowers from my cherished 30's fabrics!
The yo-yo quilt and EPP Grandmother's Flower Garden slow stitching projects will be worked on during alternating months! Time to get them off
the design board and onto my family and I!
Stash Report I finished a pillow as well as two panel quilts! Yea! Fabric is finally and just barely in the black!
Fabric used this week
1.50
To Date used
44.53
Fabric in this week
0
To Date in
44.50
Net barely in the black - used more than bought!
.03
Yarn used this week
0
To Date used
32.30
Yarn in this week
33.5
To Date in
187.80
Net in the red (more bought than used!)
-208.80
I saw this yarn on clearance at Michael's and picked it up!
It's Red Heart's Unforgettable in Sunrise. I will be using it to make shawls for myself and as donation shawls. So pretty! I hope you check out these fun linkups!
As
I was thinking about how to discuss this point, I realized that we are
discussing detachment with love:letting
our loved one deal with the natural consequence of their behavior instead of
rescuing them.
Oh
boy!Was this a hard lesson to learn –
it still is – and sometimes I fail miserably.But, as I pondered this point, the LROD spoke to me and said,
“When you are
detaching with love,
you are NOT
throwing your hands up
and quitting on
your loved one.
When you detach
with love,
you are releasing
them TO ME.”
Big
difference.I am NOT throwing my loved
one into the great abyss of living out their natural consequences, I AM throwing
them into the loving arms of my Father – of THEIR Father.
Remember this point?
I
know….it’s an excruciatingly painful process.
And
the results are unknown.
It’s
during this time, I could – and continue to lean on His everlasting arms.
His
will be done.
Until
next time, Dear Reader.
Yo-Yo's
Ever since I finished my Felt Nativity Calendar for my grandkids, I've been debating which hand sewing project to work on next. I decided to pull out my yo-yo project. Here is the next section.
It feels good to be working on this one as my portable sewing project!
Book Date I'm still reading The Story and loving it! I Am Malala continues to captivate me as well!
I'm listening to Ordinary Grace and enjoying it as well. I keep wondering what will happen....
Waiting
Here's the deal.
Yesterday I noticed changes in my breast - "the" breast that had cancer in 2014.
My doctor has ordered a 3D, diagnostic mammogram as well as an ultrasound "just in case."
Circumstances dictate that I can have the mammo on Wednesday morning.
So I wait.
I know the rules of this journey.
It's takes a lot of waiting.
So I wait.
While I wait, Something Heavenly by Sanctus Real is my anthem:
The chorus is my prayer:
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
But I'm giving in to something heavenly
- Something Heavenly by Sanctus Real
So, I wait. Tomorrow's post will be filled with great Scriptures by a wonderful writer! Linking up to:
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK
